Across the Divide

You’re invited
to be part of a conversation
that really matters.

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The problem

America’s trapped in tribalism.Blame social media, or talk radio, or CNN, or whatever — the reality is it’s harder to talk about our problems than it used to be.

How so?

It’s harder to talk to people we disagree with. We often don’t want to talk to the other side, because they make us furious.

But that’s the other side.

It’s harder to talk to people we mostly agree with, too! People feel we’re in a war, and in wartime, anyone who disagrees (even about the smallest, stupidest thing) can look like a traitor. Many of us feel pressure to conform in school, at work, and with our friends.

Does this matter?

It does. If we can’t talk about our problems — nationally and locally — we can’t solve them.

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Our method

So what does this group do?

We get together to practice disagreeing.Religion & politics, gender & race, education & war
—we steer into things it’s impossible to talk about on social media.

That sounds TERRIBLE.

We disagree well.We don’t try to win arguments — we are trying to change minds (our own most of all).

How do you do it?

We have a bunch of different events. Our primary events are held monthly at various members' homes. We're currently trialing a new thing where someone proposes a topic, the group agrees we're interested, and then that person chooses an article or short video to kickstart the conversation.We meet each other without politics.We get a sense of the group’s diversity on the month’s topic (e.g. “guns”, “abortion”, “religion in school”…)We have intense, personal conversations with the people around us.After a hour and a half, we go home!

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Our Group

Who’s putting this on?

A handful of folks around Rochester, Minnesota with diverse religious & political beliefs.

What’s your background?

We have quite a bit of experience in helping people talk across divides. We’re pulling some of our practices from books — especially Julia Galef’s The Scout Mindset and Peter Boghossian’s How to Have Impossible Conversations.

Ah, so you have all the answers… [sarcasm level: high]

Not quite.These conversations are experiments: we improve things as we go. You’re invited to come along for the ride.

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What this isn’t

Is this for me?

There are oodles of people talking across political lines — some of what’s going on is fantastic! We should be clear on how our group differs.

Is this a formal debate?

Nope! Debates can be good, but they can backfire.In a formal debate, speakers often try to evade their opponent’s best arguments.The point of these events isn’t trying to “win” — it’s to get a clearer understanding of what we’re arguing about.

Wait — you’re really not trying to “win”?

Ha! We actually talk about this sometimes. One way of summarizing it might be that we’re trying hard to win OR lose.Epicurus, the Greek philosopher, said it well: “In a philosophical debate, he gains most who is defeated, since he learns most.”It’s better to lose an argument, and win a clearer understanding.

Is this a touchy-feely, “deep down we all agree” thing?

Nope! These can also be good, but they can also backfire.When we’re not honest about where we disagree, we can end up walking on eggshells.Instead, we assume that we disagree about important things. We accept that, and work to figure out what’s behind those disagreements.

Is this like facebook or twitter?

Hopefully it’s nothing like those.Unless you’ve somehow managed to make those platforms work well for you! In which case, talk to us. (We’ll buy you a drink.)

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Who this might not be good for

I love arguing!

Some of us do, too! But if you’re not able to show respect to folks you disagree with… this isn’t for you.(If we want to change other’s minds, we need to respect people.)

I love winning!

Who doesn’t! But if you’re only willing to prove other people wrong… this isn’t for you.(If we want to know what’s real, we need to open our own views up to contrary evidence.)

I loOOve ideas!

Some of us really love ideas, too! But if you’re only interested in theoretical abstractions… this group isn’t for you.(We’re pro-human: we’re doing this because we really want to figure out how to make the world better.)

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Values

What are the group’s politics?

Any and none.We’re a bunch of people who don’t see the world the same way. We believe all sorts of things.Regardless of your politics, you’re welcome here.

But what do you stand for?

Three values: curiosity, truth, and respect.

Be curious.

Speak what you believe — including your doubts.Stay open — even to ideas you think are bad.

Be truthful.

Don’t pretend to know more than you do.Don’t make up evidence to support your views.

Respect others.

Before you critique, clarify — make sure you understand what someone means.Assume the best intentions of the other person, and they’ll assume the best of you.When someone helps you change your mind, thank them.

That’s a tall order.

None of us can fulfill those perfectly — but a community like this can only succeed if we all keep trying.

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The Goal

What’s the aim of this?

To have a fun time! It can be shocking to pull back the curtain on what we believe, and discover we don’t always have good reasons for our assumptions.And to discover we’ve changed our minds — what a thrill!

Ok, but anything beyond “fun”?

Yeah — to meet people! Especially to start liking and respecting people we disagree with.(How fun it is to find we’ve made friends with our political enemies… oops, there’s that word “fun” again!)

Yeah, yeah, but: any goal beyond “have fun”?

When a community is trapped in separate worlds, it’s hard to solve problems. It’s hard to get anything done.Who knows — maybe we’ll help make politics possible again.We've also started trying to find more practical ways to get involved. In the wake of the ICE activity in the Cities and Rochester, we came up with a bipartisan script that we all agreed on (Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, etc.!) to use to call our Representative.

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The Meetings

Ok, so how do I try it out?

Well, click that "try it out!" button below!We typically meet once a month at someone's home. Some folks bring food and eat there; others eat at home ahead of time. Many people bring their kids! Emily tries to send out an email roughly a week ahead of time with a reminder about meeting date/time/location and topic. Then...we have conversations! With people! Who believe differently than we do!

• Try it out!